Wife + Pregnant = Hair trigger

Okay it's not all bad, but man! When Tina and I first found out that she was pregnant I prepared for the worse. Tina kep telling me "hey I could carry perfectly fine!" Yeah right. I kept telling her I never met a man who's wife didn't give him hell during her pregnancy. The only bright side is that sometimes the mood swings work for the better. Tina can be really sweet and uhm... excitable.

Tough though when she gets into a bad mood and I just can't satisfy her. I'm coming to hate when she gets cravings and doesn't know what she wants. "I'm hungry" she says. Then we spend the next 20 minutes trying to figure out what to feed her (and being the caring husband that I am this means that I don't get to eat until she does!!!!).

All jokes aside though, so far so good. Tina and I are having a great time picturing what our little bgirl/boy is going to be like. Planning on the video games that we'll play together and me teaching them bad words (of course I'm not serious but you gotta admit it's cute as can be when I 2 year old drops an F bomb).

Sorry I haven't updated recently. As the husband I'm not gonna have as much fun first hand stuff to deal to fill everyone in on. All I have is my winning since of humor. So today Tina gave me an absolutely BRILLIANT idea...

... So we were sitting in the care before the movie fulfilling one of Tina's crazy cravings. She was hungry as can be and finally I say "I'm hungry". I'm getting Wendy's. So when ordering she wants a chocolate frosty.  The clerk says "we're out of chocolate frostys". Dammit! Now being the pleasing husband that I am I decide to take Tina to the other Wendy's a few miles up the road. As we get in the car she says "I want a cheddar and broccoli baked potatoe." So we get to the other Wendy's and Tina gets her frosty but they're all out of broccoli! So I have to stop at the other Wendy's on the way back and get Tina her baked potatoe. Anyway Tina decides that she's gonna sneak the baked potatoe into the movie. So Tina's put this thing in her purse when I say "You know you're a pregnant woman when..." See I told you BRILLIANT! So I'm gonna start my list now and everyone is welcome to join in. So you know you're pregnant when...

1. the snack that you sneak into a movie theater can be has as a side dish or is the main course of dinner.
2. you want sex more than your husband does (that's right it happened, I'm a man not a machine!).
3. you cry when the grocery store doesn't have gluten free bacon.
4. you keep crackers by your bed and have some before you go to bed and have them when you wake up.
5. you drive past a skunk and still smell it 2 miles up the road.
6. you suddenly believe that prune juice tastes good? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT?!?!?

More to come as I think of them.

"Good morning Ricky... "

... Was what I heard at like 8:30 or 9 0'clock in the morning. I should have known she was up to something because Tina always lets me sleep in when I'm not due into work until late. "I'm making breakfast", she says. I reply "okay" and fall right back to sleep just like I was supposed to be doing. Then about 15 minutes later... "breakfast is done". I stumble out of bed, eyes half open purely out of obligation (if she's making breakfast then I have to eat it and she knew this. It was her little way of commanding me to get out of bed). So you'd think she'd have let me get food in my belly and wake up a little before telling me this news (then again with some men's reaction maybe food in my belly wasn't such a great idea). I sit down and eyes barely focused I see a note staring back at me from in front of my plate that begins Dear Daddy, and I'm thinking this can't be for me. She left it out by accident and is giving it to my dad or her dad. I shouldn't pry, but then my eyes start to focus.

Dear Daddy,
Looks like I decdided to arrive a little earlier than planned! :) Surprise! Mommy feels like she's going crazy right now cause I got her excited & scared & tired & moody s please help her take big breathes (nice spelling Tina, you wake me up this early in the freaking morning and didn't even consider my spelling OCD. You're lucky I missed that one, but I digress...) and relax. Oh yeah, make sure you have some dope sneakers & my own piece of cardboard waiting for me!
Love, Baby 
P.S. Can't wait for you to teach me to play XBOX! :)

All I could do was sit while leaning on one and go "Wow. Wow. Wow." Then as if the note didn't seal the deal she pulls the note away so I can see the positive test. "WOW!" I gues she was nice about it. After I got over the shock I said "come here" and she sat in my lap and cried. It's okay they were happy tears.

She gives me this news as I'm about to go to work and says "don't tell anybody yet" Except for the 2 that we chose to let in that day. One of my buddies at work that night asks "so anything new. YEAH I'M HAVING A BABY! I'M HAVING A BABY! kicks off in my head. "No man, same ol' same ol". I couldn't contain it forever though. I have a select fraternity of friends I chose to share with before Tina and I told our families together on Easter.

I guess I was blessed though. I told my buddy at work how she chose to tell me. He said "You were lucky. I was sitting in my rocking chair just rocking and watching TV (he points out that the chair was one of the few things he kept from when he was a bachelor). She walks in and just blurts out 'I'm pregnant' and stops me mid rock". Yeah so I was definitely lucky I guess.

So that's my version because Tina covered pretty much everything in her blog yesterday. Sorry this one didn't come sooner because I wasn't sure what to write about yesterday other than the note from my unborn child.

PS: My evil wife made me burn my shirt for HER perfect valentine's day.

THE END

God has a sense of humor!

Tina and I wanted to wait 3 years before having a child. We wanted to spend some time just enjoying one another and getting our budget situated. The doctors told Tina to wait at least a year before trying to conceive after going on her gluten free diet. They said her body probably wouldn't be capable or carrying a child for at least that amount of time. Don't they know that when they tell you something's not possible that God loves to prove a point at their expense?!? I wish the Doctor's would tell me that my being broke is terminal and I have only 3 months left to pay all my bills. Maybe then God will bless me to win the lottery!

Another funny thing is that Tina kept seeing babies then saying "you better get me a cat". God instead said "I'll do you one better my child, have a kid!" When I was single I was just praying for a girl to hang out with. God sent me my wife. Moral of the story... THE GOOD LORD BLESSES US ABUNDANTLY!

I must say though that I was not immediately ecstatic when I found out that we're gonna be parents. We just got done doing our budget and it was tight for us alone. Then I wake up to a letter from my unborn child (I'll post that for all to read on my next entry). So many emotions at once. I'm thinking HOW CAN I AFFORD A CHILD and AWESOME, I'M GONNA BE A DAD! Then the bachelor blood hit's my brain and I'm thinking no more toys whatsoever (Tina was cool about toys, she plays games with me and we were gonna get our motorcycle licenses together this summer).

Then my rationale kicks in. There was a time when we were told that Tina may never be able to carry a child. I also remember the great time I had with my dad as a boy. Also I love kids! I'm gonna be an awesome dad. Plus I know that God provides. No worries.

So I've stopped worrying about the kid. Now I'm preparing for the war that the next 8 mont's is going to be. That's right, I said it. Maybe I'm being stereotypical, but I'm yet to meet a man who said that his wife wasn't a pain in the rear during her pregnancy. So today I've decided to weigh the pros and cons of Tina being pregnant.

Cons first:
1. MOOD SWINGS! They haven't been that bad... yet. They are here though and I have no doubt that they're gonna get worse.
2. Cravings. We need to eat gluten free and that crap can get expensive. She's gonna eat us out of house and home.
3. Tina's always tired. This means that she sleeps alot and I get little time with her (this is a double edged sword as I will allude to in my pros).
4. Less XBOX 360 time. Tina wants me underfoot most of the time that I'm around. EVEN WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE RIGHT THERE WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING!?
5. NO MORE TOYS! Okay I admit it. I'm very much a guy. I really wanted my motorcycle. I wanted to put nice exhaust on my car and maybe get some rims. I was collecting high quality action figures (we don't call these toys, they're called ACTION FIGURES DAMMIT!).
6. I don't know how my wife is going to transform during and after the pregnancy. I may have to kiss that lovely girlish figure goodbye. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (I doubt it but the irrational thought is there)!

Pros:
1. Tina's always tired. This means that while she's sleeping I can sneak off for some quality time with the XBOX 360 *sinister laughing*.
2. The twins. No she's not having twins literally (not that I know of). I mean... you know... the twins. Their growing rapidly. What guy in the right mind would EVER EVER EVER complain about that.
3. Cravings. I like to eat. I'm very active and have a high metabolism. This means that we get to get to eat together.
4. Mood swings. I forgot to add that these are a double edged sword. Tina may switch and be uber sweet. Or she may be up for other stuff (we're all grown ups here, use your imagination).
5. If she's pregnant then that means my boys can swim, I'M A MAN! *insert manly battle cry here*
6. TOYS. Okay they're not action figure's they are toys. I admit it. And when my kid is old enough they'll be getting them. I know you probably ask "what if you have a girl?" She'll be forced to play with GI Joes. That's all no big deal. :-D
7. Tekken 6 tournaments at the house! Tina likes to play it and I'm sure my kid will too.
8. I'm one step closer to building the ultimate bboy/girl crew. Now If I can just get a couple asian women pregnant to get some power heads and maybe a couple latin and african american women so I can get some kids with rhythm. THAT'S A JOKE RELAX! You know who's blog this is. Anybody that knows me should expect this kind of humor.
9. I get my own branch on the family tree.
10. Tina and I are both very intelligent ahletic people. It is scientifically proven that our genes combined will create a race of super intelligent highly powerful mutants. The world will bow before them and in turn my children will bow before me. That means I will rule the world. The years agenda: imprison all country music artists; nuke mississippi; kill Lady Gaga & Beyonce...